Home Alone

In case you didn't know by now, I have a pretty sweet deal as far as living arrangements go. I live in a small, garage apartment attached to a anything but small, Clayton mansion. For free. My rent is paid by dogsitting/housesitting when my 'landlords' are out of town. They are unbelievably nice people, too. And they are French, which I just love about them.
I dogsit all the time. I stay at other people's houses and it rarely bothers me, perhaps because there is usually a dog sleeping somewhere close to alert me to danger if need be. But for some reason, when I am staying in my own apartment while my 'landlords' are out of town, I get really freaked out.
Maybe it's because their house is so large that I am pretty sure most burglars would love to get inside (were it not for the super terrific security system they have). Maybe it's because there is so much land on their property that I'm not sure I could outrun a rapist without getting really tired. Maybe it's because my imagination is incredibly overactive and has always worked against me late at night (i.e. slept in my little sister's room for 3 months when I was THIRTEEN after I saw Jurassic Park b/c I was worried a T-Rex was going to give me the creepy eye stare through my window; slept with a knife sharpener under my pillow for the good part of a year after I saw Buffy, the Vampire Slayer movie; Continually had bad dreams about a Land Shark being under my bed, well into my college years.)
So the moral of the story is, I'm a little freaked out when I have to stay here alone. Not that I ever have overnight guests, just when I realize that an alarm system will alert the police, but might not stop a bullet from piercing my brain if they don't get here in time.
Wow, now I'm really starting to freak myself out. Time for a little Gilmore Girl's marathon. That usually chases the monsters away long enough for me to fall asleep.

Long Lost

I didn't have much to say again today, so I thought I'd post some more pictures. These are pictures of people I miss. People I really enjoy being with who, for one reason or another, I rarely see anymore. Obviously I am in all of these pictures, and you'll probably notice that my sister Eileen is in a few as well. I don't really miss Eileen, but she is going to Scotland next year and I'll probably be sad about that then, so I'm alright with her being in the pics. Also, how skinny am I in these shots?! Looks like I need to get my huge ass back to Weight Watchers sometime soon.
Anyway, allow me to introduce you to:


Jenny - I've known Jenny since 6th grade. We both played the clarinet in band, and while I was obviously the one with a 'gift', Jenny is the one who is currently a full time musician. Jenny & her husband Greg are expecting a baby girl early next year and I cannot wait to meet her. Mostly, I am excited to tell 'Baby Girl Stokes' about her mom's first boyfriend, why she should never give up reading music and about how fantastic her Grandma Stokes was.



Corrine & Leah - I met Corrine and Leah at almost the exact same time, back when they were in sophomores in high school and I was their Young Life leader. Turns out, I was a pretty terrible leader, because once these girls went off to college I lost track of them. Don't get me wrong, I have Facebook stalked them for years, but I wish I had been better at keeping up with these ladies. They made me laugh like you would not believe and I feel very grateful for the time I got to spend with them.



Jessica 'Rups' Lang - Technically she's a Gewinner, not a Lang, but I will always think of her as Jessi. This picture pretty much captures the spirit of my lovely friend. She is always getting between me and my sister....
Anyway, I met Jessi on a bus at a Young Life camp. She was skinnier than a malnourished Somalian, sillier than a clown smoking weed and soon became one of my very best friends. Jessi & her lover Kurt live in Colorado now (or 'Rado, as the cool kids call it). I think this is stupid and plan on luring her back with stolen bagels and some of my old bras (Jessi thinks they are hats). She is the easiest person to love that I have ever met. Also, her dad is smoking hot!




Ashley (aka Iesha) - While Ashley may live in Canada, she is the heart of Webster Groves to me. Once Ash got married, she stopped loving the smell of her own farts, but that was probably a good thing since she now lives with her husband and 2 sons. Sometimes I cannot believe my friends are parents, but not so with Ashley. She was born to be a mama and if she couldn't have kids, she's probably push a stroller around with a baby doll in it. And it wouldn't be weird (to me), because Ashley could totally rock that look. I miss her and sometimes when people talk about Canada, I get pissed because it stole her away from me. Stupid America Junior...

Don't give up, Ponytail.

I'm not sure if you know this, but I have a girl crush on Tina Fey. Her character on the show, Liz Lemon, is absurd, obnoxious, insecure and piss-your-pants hysterical. Basically, she is an exaggerated, fictional version of me.
I have to admit that I tend to be rather judgemental of people when they tell me they don't like 30 Rock. That comment is usually followed with, "I just don't think it's that funny" or "I don't get it". At this exact moment, my inner monologue tends to come up with one-liners like "That's cause you have no sense of humor" or "Definitely need to look for smarter friends, b/c the show is topical, but not that deep. How do you not get it?"
I have posted this particular clip, because I found myself in a very similar situation last week at work. I was telling my friends Kelly and Liz about how I had just thrown out a bouquet of flowers in my apartment because they were starting to emit that pungent aroma of rot. Their polite but horrified faces told me that I had, in true Anniefesto manner, gone to far.
Most people probably find that smell disgusting, but I tend to really enjoy it. Maybe this is because I have never been sent flowers (except from my parents back in college when I didn't get picked to become an RA) and I cannot bear to throw the ones I buy away. Maybe it's because they smell stronger toward the end of their life (which is, I believe, the case with humans as well), even if the smell is not as pleasant as before. Maybe it's just because once the water gets low and cloudy that means the petals are all about to drop onto the floor, which, since I almost never vaccuum, means I will get to enjoy those flower remnants for months to come.
No matter my reasons for enjoying the decay, mostly I like this clip b/c Liz Lemon is acting the exact same way I would act if I were in her shoes. "You can sweat on me," is a line I am certain has come out of my mouth while conversing with a cute boy in the past. Sort of like "I carried a watermelon?" from Dirty Dancing. I just have to hardest time not saying the first random thing that comes into my head when I am uncomfortable...or just when I am awake.
Awkward is an emotion I am deeply familiar with, my friend. I practically invented it.
So while you watch this clip from '30 Rock', courtesy of Hulu.com, think of me...and the life I have to look forward to.

Whatever, brick wall

Don't have a whole lot to say today. Just wanted to post something before the day was done. I thought I'd add a couple of random pictures I found when I was looking through my iPhoto folder tonight.

Yo Gobble Gobble

"I think about you all the time"...

That is what I said to my Anniefesto home page when I pulled it up for the first time in months today. I know I have been an absent lover, but I can honestly say that I think about this blog every day, and I have missed it terribly. I don't know what's been wrong, but I'm pretty sure it's getting better and I promise to make a concerted effort to keep Anniefesto going.
I had a pretty crummy holiday weekend to think things over and it made me realize that I need to write as badly as I need to exercise. It's like strength training, but for my brain.
So I thought I'd tell you a witty little ditty about my Thanksgiving break, just to welcome you back into my crazy, messed up mind. Hope you enjoy!

Last week sucked. Four day weekends are typically something to look forward to, but for some reason, this year Thanksgiving had my stomach all twisted up into knots. As many of you know, Thanksgiving, or Turkey Day, is basically more religious than Easter to those of us from the wonderful town of Webster Groves. People here get drunk off of the spirit of football, school spirit, bonfires and seeing long lost friends for these 4 days in autumn. Webster Groves on Thanksgiving could charm even the Grinch himself (I know I'm mixing up my holidays, but who cares). But this year, for some reason, Turkey Day sent me into a downward spiral of depression and despair. Maybe it's because:

~My stomach decided to revolt on me 2 days before the holiday and wouldn't let me leave the bathroom for more than an hour at a time. Gross, but true.
~I 'joined' Eharmony on Wednesday night and discovered that reading internet dating profiles are just as cringe-worthy as I thought it would be. One guy looked very promising until the part where he wrote "I adore Glenn Beck." That made me throw up in my mouth a little bit. (P.S. I DESPISE Glenn Beck. ABORE him.)
~My family went to Kansas City for Thanksgiving, and I had to skip it b/c of an upset stomach and dogsitting duties. I got as far as St. Peters in my car before I realized it was a bad idea to try to make the trip there and back in less than 24 hours. I basically had a nervous breakdown in my car while I was turning around to head home. The ugly cry was present, I assure you.
~I woke up at 4am on Black Friday and spent more money at Target before the sun was up than I've spent there in the last year...and I put it on my credit card.
~My Gilmore Girls marathon was charming enough until the middle of season 3 when I started to wonder 'Why didn't I go to Yale like Rory Gilmore? How come Lorelai can eat like a prize pig, but all I have to do is look at a cracker and I gain weight? Where is my Logan Huntzberger?!' I kept muttering to myself 'I coulda been somebody. I coulda been a contender!' The dogs must think I'm a crazy person.
~The two times people did call to invite me out, I was in the middle of 'natural colonic' and didn't feel suitable for company.
~I chose to skip church on Sunday, even though I've been trying not to do that anymore, and missed Fred, Marsha & Jon Bonham leading worship and my friend Ryan preaching the sermon. I skipped it to add another 2 hours to my 12 hour marathon of sleep. Lame.
~They don't even show General Hospital at all on Thanksgiving weekend. I have really been wanting to watch Sam & Jason do battle with James Franco (whose character is named 'Franco'), but instead all they were showing was college football. Boo.

Since I like to think of myself as a 'glass half full' kind of person, I should mention that there were a few bright points to the weekend:

~I finally got that TV that was meant to be my birthday present (I was born in July, FYI). It's HD and pretty and receives all 5 major networks with nothing more than a $10 antenna.
~I got to spend Thanksgiving with all of the Schawackers. They fed me stuffing, sweet potatoes, pumpkin pie AND Mary gave me an early Christmas present despite the fact that I crashed her family holiday with 3 hours notice.
~All of Annie the Nanny's Christmas shopping is finished. And since 3 of the Fagan kids have a birthday within the next month, I knocked those presents out of the way as well. Score.
~I bought a pretty new dress and when I tried it on, I realized that I needed it in a smaller size than usual.
~I spent a lot of time thinking about how much I miss my blog and worked up the courage to get back on that horse again.

That's all I've got for now. I'll write more later, I swear. I've been dying to get down on paper (figuratively) the inner monologue that runs through my mind while I'm at work. I've even made notes of the ridiculous things that I think about while filing or processing check requests. I think that I've got the title for my first book all worked out, just from the time spent reflecting on my awkward social interactions at my job. 'I Think There's Something Wrong With Me' by Anne Simon. It's got a nice ring to it, don't you think?