Home Alone

In case you didn't know by now, I have a pretty sweet deal as far as living arrangements go. I live in a small, garage apartment attached to a anything but small, Clayton mansion. For free. My rent is paid by dogsitting/housesitting when my 'landlords' are out of town. They are unbelievably nice people, too. And they are French, which I just love about them.
I dogsit all the time. I stay at other people's houses and it rarely bothers me, perhaps because there is usually a dog sleeping somewhere close to alert me to danger if need be. But for some reason, when I am staying in my own apartment while my 'landlords' are out of town, I get really freaked out.
Maybe it's because their house is so large that I am pretty sure most burglars would love to get inside (were it not for the super terrific security system they have). Maybe it's because there is so much land on their property that I'm not sure I could outrun a rapist without getting really tired. Maybe it's because my imagination is incredibly overactive and has always worked against me late at night (i.e. slept in my little sister's room for 3 months when I was THIRTEEN after I saw Jurassic Park b/c I was worried a T-Rex was going to give me the creepy eye stare through my window; slept with a knife sharpener under my pillow for the good part of a year after I saw Buffy, the Vampire Slayer movie; Continually had bad dreams about a Land Shark being under my bed, well into my college years.)
So the moral of the story is, I'm a little freaked out when I have to stay here alone. Not that I ever have overnight guests, just when I realize that an alarm system will alert the police, but might not stop a bullet from piercing my brain if they don't get here in time.
Wow, now I'm really starting to freak myself out. Time for a little Gilmore Girl's marathon. That usually chases the monsters away long enough for me to fall asleep.

Long Lost

I didn't have much to say again today, so I thought I'd post some more pictures. These are pictures of people I miss. People I really enjoy being with who, for one reason or another, I rarely see anymore. Obviously I am in all of these pictures, and you'll probably notice that my sister Eileen is in a few as well. I don't really miss Eileen, but she is going to Scotland next year and I'll probably be sad about that then, so I'm alright with her being in the pics. Also, how skinny am I in these shots?! Looks like I need to get my huge ass back to Weight Watchers sometime soon.
Anyway, allow me to introduce you to:


Jenny - I've known Jenny since 6th grade. We both played the clarinet in band, and while I was obviously the one with a 'gift', Jenny is the one who is currently a full time musician. Jenny & her husband Greg are expecting a baby girl early next year and I cannot wait to meet her. Mostly, I am excited to tell 'Baby Girl Stokes' about her mom's first boyfriend, why she should never give up reading music and about how fantastic her Grandma Stokes was.



Corrine & Leah - I met Corrine and Leah at almost the exact same time, back when they were in sophomores in high school and I was their Young Life leader. Turns out, I was a pretty terrible leader, because once these girls went off to college I lost track of them. Don't get me wrong, I have Facebook stalked them for years, but I wish I had been better at keeping up with these ladies. They made me laugh like you would not believe and I feel very grateful for the time I got to spend with them.



Jessica 'Rups' Lang - Technically she's a Gewinner, not a Lang, but I will always think of her as Jessi. This picture pretty much captures the spirit of my lovely friend. She is always getting between me and my sister....
Anyway, I met Jessi on a bus at a Young Life camp. She was skinnier than a malnourished Somalian, sillier than a clown smoking weed and soon became one of my very best friends. Jessi & her lover Kurt live in Colorado now (or 'Rado, as the cool kids call it). I think this is stupid and plan on luring her back with stolen bagels and some of my old bras (Jessi thinks they are hats). She is the easiest person to love that I have ever met. Also, her dad is smoking hot!




Ashley (aka Iesha) - While Ashley may live in Canada, she is the heart of Webster Groves to me. Once Ash got married, she stopped loving the smell of her own farts, but that was probably a good thing since she now lives with her husband and 2 sons. Sometimes I cannot believe my friends are parents, but not so with Ashley. She was born to be a mama and if she couldn't have kids, she's probably push a stroller around with a baby doll in it. And it wouldn't be weird (to me), because Ashley could totally rock that look. I miss her and sometimes when people talk about Canada, I get pissed because it stole her away from me. Stupid America Junior...

Don't give up, Ponytail.

I'm not sure if you know this, but I have a girl crush on Tina Fey. Her character on the show, Liz Lemon, is absurd, obnoxious, insecure and piss-your-pants hysterical. Basically, she is an exaggerated, fictional version of me.
I have to admit that I tend to be rather judgemental of people when they tell me they don't like 30 Rock. That comment is usually followed with, "I just don't think it's that funny" or "I don't get it". At this exact moment, my inner monologue tends to come up with one-liners like "That's cause you have no sense of humor" or "Definitely need to look for smarter friends, b/c the show is topical, but not that deep. How do you not get it?"
I have posted this particular clip, because I found myself in a very similar situation last week at work. I was telling my friends Kelly and Liz about how I had just thrown out a bouquet of flowers in my apartment because they were starting to emit that pungent aroma of rot. Their polite but horrified faces told me that I had, in true Anniefesto manner, gone to far.
Most people probably find that smell disgusting, but I tend to really enjoy it. Maybe this is because I have never been sent flowers (except from my parents back in college when I didn't get picked to become an RA) and I cannot bear to throw the ones I buy away. Maybe it's because they smell stronger toward the end of their life (which is, I believe, the case with humans as well), even if the smell is not as pleasant as before. Maybe it's just because once the water gets low and cloudy that means the petals are all about to drop onto the floor, which, since I almost never vaccuum, means I will get to enjoy those flower remnants for months to come.
No matter my reasons for enjoying the decay, mostly I like this clip b/c Liz Lemon is acting the exact same way I would act if I were in her shoes. "You can sweat on me," is a line I am certain has come out of my mouth while conversing with a cute boy in the past. Sort of like "I carried a watermelon?" from Dirty Dancing. I just have to hardest time not saying the first random thing that comes into my head when I am uncomfortable...or just when I am awake.
Awkward is an emotion I am deeply familiar with, my friend. I practically invented it.
So while you watch this clip from '30 Rock', courtesy of Hulu.com, think of me...and the life I have to look forward to.

Whatever, brick wall

Don't have a whole lot to say today. Just wanted to post something before the day was done. I thought I'd add a couple of random pictures I found when I was looking through my iPhoto folder tonight.

Yo Gobble Gobble

"I think about you all the time"...

That is what I said to my Anniefesto home page when I pulled it up for the first time in months today. I know I have been an absent lover, but I can honestly say that I think about this blog every day, and I have missed it terribly. I don't know what's been wrong, but I'm pretty sure it's getting better and I promise to make a concerted effort to keep Anniefesto going.
I had a pretty crummy holiday weekend to think things over and it made me realize that I need to write as badly as I need to exercise. It's like strength training, but for my brain.
So I thought I'd tell you a witty little ditty about my Thanksgiving break, just to welcome you back into my crazy, messed up mind. Hope you enjoy!

Last week sucked. Four day weekends are typically something to look forward to, but for some reason, this year Thanksgiving had my stomach all twisted up into knots. As many of you know, Thanksgiving, or Turkey Day, is basically more religious than Easter to those of us from the wonderful town of Webster Groves. People here get drunk off of the spirit of football, school spirit, bonfires and seeing long lost friends for these 4 days in autumn. Webster Groves on Thanksgiving could charm even the Grinch himself (I know I'm mixing up my holidays, but who cares). But this year, for some reason, Turkey Day sent me into a downward spiral of depression and despair. Maybe it's because:

~My stomach decided to revolt on me 2 days before the holiday and wouldn't let me leave the bathroom for more than an hour at a time. Gross, but true.
~I 'joined' Eharmony on Wednesday night and discovered that reading internet dating profiles are just as cringe-worthy as I thought it would be. One guy looked very promising until the part where he wrote "I adore Glenn Beck." That made me throw up in my mouth a little bit. (P.S. I DESPISE Glenn Beck. ABORE him.)
~My family went to Kansas City for Thanksgiving, and I had to skip it b/c of an upset stomach and dogsitting duties. I got as far as St. Peters in my car before I realized it was a bad idea to try to make the trip there and back in less than 24 hours. I basically had a nervous breakdown in my car while I was turning around to head home. The ugly cry was present, I assure you.
~I woke up at 4am on Black Friday and spent more money at Target before the sun was up than I've spent there in the last year...and I put it on my credit card.
~My Gilmore Girls marathon was charming enough until the middle of season 3 when I started to wonder 'Why didn't I go to Yale like Rory Gilmore? How come Lorelai can eat like a prize pig, but all I have to do is look at a cracker and I gain weight? Where is my Logan Huntzberger?!' I kept muttering to myself 'I coulda been somebody. I coulda been a contender!' The dogs must think I'm a crazy person.
~The two times people did call to invite me out, I was in the middle of 'natural colonic' and didn't feel suitable for company.
~I chose to skip church on Sunday, even though I've been trying not to do that anymore, and missed Fred, Marsha & Jon Bonham leading worship and my friend Ryan preaching the sermon. I skipped it to add another 2 hours to my 12 hour marathon of sleep. Lame.
~They don't even show General Hospital at all on Thanksgiving weekend. I have really been wanting to watch Sam & Jason do battle with James Franco (whose character is named 'Franco'), but instead all they were showing was college football. Boo.

Since I like to think of myself as a 'glass half full' kind of person, I should mention that there were a few bright points to the weekend:

~I finally got that TV that was meant to be my birthday present (I was born in July, FYI). It's HD and pretty and receives all 5 major networks with nothing more than a $10 antenna.
~I got to spend Thanksgiving with all of the Schawackers. They fed me stuffing, sweet potatoes, pumpkin pie AND Mary gave me an early Christmas present despite the fact that I crashed her family holiday with 3 hours notice.
~All of Annie the Nanny's Christmas shopping is finished. And since 3 of the Fagan kids have a birthday within the next month, I knocked those presents out of the way as well. Score.
~I bought a pretty new dress and when I tried it on, I realized that I needed it in a smaller size than usual.
~I spent a lot of time thinking about how much I miss my blog and worked up the courage to get back on that horse again.

That's all I've got for now. I'll write more later, I swear. I've been dying to get down on paper (figuratively) the inner monologue that runs through my mind while I'm at work. I've even made notes of the ridiculous things that I think about while filing or processing check requests. I think that I've got the title for my first book all worked out, just from the time spent reflecting on my awkward social interactions at my job. 'I Think There's Something Wrong With Me' by Anne Simon. It's got a nice ring to it, don't you think?

Yin v. Yang

Good things about my new job:
7.5 hours a day, and they're flexible.
A fresh start.
Department meetings.
New people to befriend.
Challenges for my brain.
8 straight hours of Coldplay on Pandora.
Lunch breaks.
Microsoft Outlook (don't ask me why, I just love it).
Health insurance. Good health insurance.
My team, because they're fantastic.
Bake Sales. 5 bake sales since August 1rst, because RECares.
Riverport sound checks.
All of my co-workers born before 2000 and none of them wear diapers (I don't think)
Diet Dr. Pepper fountain drinks...all day long.
Morning work outs.
Annual pay raises.

Bad things about my job:
I can't make a Target run count as work time, no matter how hard I try.
Candy machines.
Already found spider veins from sitting for too long.
Everyone knows how often I have to pee. It's frequent.
My awkwardness is not charming yet, just a little strange.
The amount of time I spend on highways numbered -70.
They are old friends, but I'm the new girl.
Actually, I'm not so much a girl. 29 is old in my office, especially for an EA (editorial assistant)
Bake Sales. 5 bake sales since August 1rst. RECares, but not about my diet.
No one there knows how funny I am, which contributes to the awkwardness.

Altogether, the good far outweighs the bad. But the bad is funnier.

FYI: I did a report on South Korea in 5th grade, which is when I first learned about the yinYang.
Your Welcome.

If you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need

Elsevier, the world's largest publisher of medical and scientific literature, forms part of the Reed Elsevier group. Based in Amsterdam, the company has substantial operations in the United Kingdom, USA and elsewhere.

Did you catch that? Substantial operations in the UNITED KINGDOM! Actually, they have offices on the Strand. In London. Next to the National Gallery. Up the street from Westminster. Round the bend from Buckingham Palace.

I'm so moving back to London, even if it means I have to start writing textbooks on surgical technology or diagnostic microbiology. Can you hear that? I believe it's London, calling.

Editorial Assistant

So, I've got this new job....
I've been temping 2 days a week at a health and science educational publisher here in town for the past 3 months or so and yesterday my supervisor told me that they would be hiring an editorial assistant soon and she'd like me to apply.
I was so excited. Then I was scared. Then I realized it doesn't pay anymore than I make now. Then I was excited about the prospect of having a job where raises and promotions are an option. Then I started freaking out. Then, I got excited again.
I haven't even told my parents yet. Part of me is resisting admitting that this is really happening because, while it is wonderful, it is not what I wanted. It might be better than what I wanted (and let's face it, I can't actually define what that is anymore), but proofreading chapters on scabies and festering ulcers was not on my radar.
I LOVE the people I work with. The team I'm on is small and I cannot say enough nice things about the editors I've been assisting. I'm oddly shy when I'm there, which I think kind of makes me come off as a bitch, but for right now I'm just trying to not screw up too bad.
So that's where I'm at. I basically decided not to worry about what would happen in August, when my nanny job ends and my paycheck goes with it, and the good Lord has worked this out on my behalf. I am struggling to be grateful, but it's a good kind of struggle. It's forced me to take a good look at my selfishness, my propensity for delusion. Let me just say that it has not been easy but it has been good. Why do people resist counseling? It's so illuminating.
While I still dream of winning the lottery so that I can spend years abroad, I am happy to say I no longer live in the fucked up mindset of believing that it might actually happen. And as much as it kills me to write this, I am very much looking forward to building a 401k (once I figure out what that actually means)! I have a lot of peace about being single, adore my rent-free apartment, am more than halfway done with paying off my credit cards and have begun saving for my Dirty 30 trip to Europe next summer.
Life is good!

Carpe Diem

From Wikipedia:

Carpe diem is a phrase from a latin poem by Horace. It is popularly translated as "seize the day". In Horace, the phrase is part of the longer Carpe diem quam minimum credula postero – "seize the day and place no trust in tomorrow", and the ode says that the future is unknowable, and that instead one should scale back one's hopes to a brief future, and drink one's wine. Compare with the Biblical "eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die", with emphasis on making the most of current opportunities because life is short and time is fleeting – an existential caution.

I should tell you, I should tell you. I should tell you, I've got baggage.
-Rent

For most of my life, I've swung pendulum style between the past and the future, carefully avoiding too much 'living in the moment' crap. I can recount many a story about growing up using my flair for embellishment; I can speculate on the amazing possibilities that are still before me. And I think this is part of my weight problem. I forget what I ate earlier, don't plan for what to eat tomorrow, and put anything I want into my mouth in the moment.

I find it very difficult, almost impossible at times, to properly identify my feelings about the present. I'm not sure why I feel this way, or even when it all started, but recently I have come face-to-face with my supreme disassociation skills and I'm finding it very interesting.
Though I'm hesitant to admit it, I'm a whole lot like my dad. When we were little he told us great tales of his own childhood; from delivering my grandparent's WWII love letters into all the neighbors mailboxes during a particularly exciting game of 'Mailman', to busting his lip open on a cookie that was really a dried starfish because his friend Fathead dared him to eat it, to point blank asking his teacher (who was also a habited nun) 'Why do you have a mustache? I thought only boys could get those.'

My dad is a great storyteller. I didn't know half of his material was bullshit until I hit my twenties. These days he likes to talk about how he is going to move to Montana, run a ranch and write the great american novel as soon as he retires. He is also extremely sentimental and most nights he can be found indulging himself with whiskey and old photo albums in his Men Den, reminiscing about the 'good old days'. It can be charming...sometimes. But mostly, he sucks at being present in our lives. His life is mostly spent looking back or looking forward, with a whole lot of drinking to distract him from the here and now. I don't know why it's so easy to feel anger or pity while detailing his life when I am so clearly cut from the same cloth.

The good news is that I have been made aware of this tendency (see, counseling is totally worth it) and now I am able to resist my incliniation to 'simply survive' as opposed to 'carpe diem'. So this July, as I end my time as a nanny and move into a more grown-up job, I will live somewhere between the past and the future. No day but today!

P.S. Don't think this means that I won't wax poetic on my last day of work. But I will be seizing THAT moment, not regressing, I swear.

Long time, no see

Fear and Loathing in St. Louis

In case you haven't noticed by my total lack of blog devotion, things kind of suck right now. I feel like I'm caught in the center of a hellstorm of weight gain and financial loss. Lately, for some reason, Hershey Kisses and Cadbury Eggs have become my new best friends and I'm finding that rather odd because I'm not really a big fan of chocolate. And at work my take home pay has decreased 25% which I'm sure I'll appreciate next April, but for right now is making it impossible to even pay my bills, much less buy gasoline or groceries.
I just feel like I am worried ALL THE TIME. It's as if there is a cassette tape looping in my head with a series of questions like "How are you going to pay for that? Who is going to hire you when you have no marketable skills to speak of? Where the hell is that guy who is supposed to 'complete me'? Why can't you 'just say no' to that slice of pizza? Whatever happened to writing that novel and moving to London?" My counselor would probably say that is my self-contempt speaking, but right now I feel like I'm just drowning in fear.
Fear of the unknown, fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of doubt, fear of mediocrity, fear of greatness, fear of spiders, fear of exposure, fear of people, fear of pain, fear of hope (that's a HUGE one), fear of death, fear of intimacy and fear of God. I am afraid almost all of the time. This is not a normal state for me and other than the weight and the money I can't seem to figure out what has happened to bring me to this place.
Last year I was involved in a seriously intense group therapy program and it helped me deal with myself more than I could have ever imagined. I was blessed to be with a handful of women who I trusted with intimate details of life that I had never spoken of before and they accepted me just as I was. But, like most good things in life, this group drew to an end around Valentine's Day this year. Everything was going well at the time and I felt like I had made a lot of progress in my life so far. The truth is, I was feeling rather fantastic (and perhaps a bit smug). So maybe it was arrogance that brought on the turmoil, I don't know. What I do know is this; No one has had as bad a spring as I have, except maybe Lindsey Lohan.
So why am I spilling my guts to you now? You came to this site in order to be entertained, not to be dumped on, right? Well, I'm sorry if that's the case. I can't really help you out with that right now because if I learned anything from group therapy it is that honesty is my most appealing asset. When I am honest, I am extending an invitation for you to be honest as well (metaphorically speaking, since this whole thing is being done via the internet and some of you I have never met before in my life). But my point is that if I'm going to lay it out there, I might as well lay it all out there. If you're still reading this blog, then you deserve that much at least. So here's my newest Anniefesto, if you will.

I am a mess.
I am scared.
I am lonely.
I am tired.
I need help.
God, if you're listening, could you make this day the first day of the rest of my life?
Thank You.

Fiber One

An important part of the points calculating formula for Weight Watchers is the fiber content of a piece of food. Basically you calculate the calories, line them up with the fat grams and then weigh that against how many grams of fiber are in it. The theory is that fiber aids digestion so to more fiber, the faster it moves through your body (or something like that, I don't really pay attention). WW does cap off at 4 grams though, b/c otherwise it could get messy. I am here to tell you, it's the truth.
Yesterday, I ate a bowl (okay, a bowl and a half) of Fiber One Honey Clusters for breakfast. It was delicious and nutricous. Then I had chicken and rice for lunch (brown rice is packed with fiber, just so you know). And then, when I got hungry around 2:30, I thought I made the right choice when I reached for my Fiber One Bar (apple strudel is my favorite, despite the picture above) instead of the bag of Cheetos. I was wrong.
That much fiber in one day is a poor decision. I mean, I felt fine all day, but when I met some friends for coffee later in the evening, I noticed a little rumbly in the tumbly. And then some rather uncomfortable pain in my abdomen. And then, well, let's just say, it got gross. There was lots of awkward farting and much time spent in the commode. Not a pleasant evening.
Okay, I know you probably weren't really wanting to read about my bowels, but I felt that it was my duty to warn you that an accident overdose of fiber can stop a girl in her tracks, so treat that stuff with the respect it deserves. Trust me.

Dear March

Dear March,
You Suck.
Love, Anne

1. I can't count on the weather, so I keep a pair of flip flops AND Uggs available at all times.

2. I am not pregnant with the second coming of Christ. Missing 4 periods in a row is perfectly normal for a 28 year old virgin who has never been on birth control before.

3. Nothing is certain but death, taxes and getting screwed by death and taxes.

4. If I had known about www.paperbackswap.com years ago, I might not be so upset about the taxes b/c my money might actually be in my bank account and not in Barnes & Noble's coffers.

5. Firefly Lane is a great book, but prepare to cry. And I mean, Lovestory cry. Sobbing, snotty, gasping for air, but in the best way possible, cry. Fair warning.

6. When I don't blog, people get mad at me.

7. Apparently I carry all of my stress in my upper back/neck area. And when things get bad (and they have been terrible, trust me) the stress manifests itself as sharp, shooting pain that gets worse with time, not better.

8. Not being able to sleep for 4 weeks due to neck pain will make a bitch dream crazy. Quit your job(s), slap yo' mama, move to Switzerland CRAZY!

9. Everyone in the free world got pregnant last May/June and now I feel like I am supposed to bring all of them casseroles. And I don't DO casserole.

10. Goodbye, Battlestar Galactica. I shall miss you most of all.

Dear April,
Hope you have better things in store for me, or so help me God...
Love, Anne

Stupid Freakin Girl Scouts

This little bitch is Satan in disguise.

When I began this blog, I forgot about Girl Scout Cookies. I really believed that there was nothing I couldn't live without (cheesecake, ice cream, licorice, pizza) but last week I was proven wrong. I forgot about Girl Scout Cookies. But they did not forget about me.

So last week, things started off pretty good. I wasn't babysitting overnight anymore, so I was able pick my own menu once more. I ate fish 3 times last week. I packed my lunch for work. I even took my mom's dog for a freaking walk (which I don't do very often because she's pretty spastic and not so great at cardio-friendly walking). Then, I woke up on Wednesday with a pinched nerve and shot the whole thing to hell. Tag-a-longs, and Thin Mints, and Samoas, oh my!

Here's what I've realized this week. I cannot continue to life with excuses. All I do is make excuses. I have 101 reasons I can't make it to the gym, but not one of them is good or true. If I do not do something about my weight, I will live the rest of my life restricted by it. I think there is a fine line between telling myself that I am not defined by my body and deluding myself into believing that I'm not really all that big. But the simple truth is, I am extremely overweight. Like, I think I fall into the 'morbidly obese' category. That freaking sucks and I don't want to live this way anymore.

So I'm setting practical, achievable goals for myself. I want to loose 8 pounds in the next 4 weeks. In order to do this I am going to make it to the gym 4 times a week and at least two of those times will be in the morning before work. I MUST go once on the weekend and once on Wednesday (those are my easy days and I always use them for sleep instead of exercise). And I'm taking measurements so another goal is to have lost an inch from my bust, hips and waist within 6 weeks.

Also, I want to be down another pants size by May. Now, this will mean I have to start wearing pants (I'm on a skirt/dress kick), but I think I can handle that. I have LOADS of jeans just waiting to be worn in storage. And if my friend Jenny can go to actual boot camp, then I can go to the fake kind. Once I am able to run for 10 minutes straight on the treadmill, I will sign up (I'm thinking July for this).

So there they are. My goals. I invite you to ask me about them and call me on my bullshit if I act shady, okay. Don't forget, I am a recovering liar and honesty is still hard for me.

Anniefesto 8.0

It's late. I suck. I know. Sorry.

Ambitious

It is costly to love me, just so you know.  I will ask/demand things of you that you might not care to give.  But you will give them to me anyway because I will ask so politely.  Trust me, you will.

I've been kicking around this idea in my head for a couple weeks now.  I'm not quite ready to share it, but I think it's going to be spectacular.  It will involve me, you and my video camera.  And if you love me, you'll do me this favor.  Even if you don't love me, just like me somewhat, you might be interested as well.  

My long ago dreams of being a filmmaker are reemerging and there is a lot of creativeness juice in my brain (that's what I call it, so back off).  I'm not talking about the Oscars here, just a little creative outlet that will give me to opportunity to combine two of my passions: Facebook and Friends (the people, not the show).

Anniefesto 7.0

Positive thinking, positive thinking, positive thinking. That is my mantra today. I'm about as spread thin as I can be right now and it's taking it's toll on me physically, mentally and emotionally.
If anyone has an extra $500 and wants to take me on a Caribbean vacation come April, it would be welcome. I swear, all I need is a bed, a towel and my drink ticket. I'll stay out of your way the whole time. It will just be me, my SPF 100, a trashy novel and a bottle of wine out there on the beach. Oh, and my iPod so I can listen to Coldplay and pretend Chris Martin is there with me, offering to braid my hair and massage my....

Anniefesto 6.0

Prepare yourself.  This video is freaking long and there is a LOT of rambling.  Also, an editorial note.  Subconcious = Unconcious.  But as a bonus, I've added some background music.  What do you think?  Is it oddly placed and distracting?  Should I keep looking for more appropriate music?  Do you hate it and wish I hadn't spent all that time messing with my iMovie program?  Be honest.  Let me know how you feel.  Don't worry, I can take it.  

Cry Me A River

Before you watch the attached video, I wanted to say something.  When I started doing the whole blog thing, I thought it would be all good times and bad jokes.  My intention was to post pictures and stories about my life as a nanny that might be funny enough to make some of my friend laugh and then subsequently tell me how funny and gifted I am, but whatever.  And things went according to plan until the end of last year when I reached a place where I knew I couldn't go on pretending like life was all rainbows and pony rides.  I made the decision to improve my life and to begin to live it to the full.  I broke two HUGE addictions in my life (diet soda and cigarettes) at the same time and a week later started back with Weight Watchers and exercising.  I know some people might say that way too many big commitments at the same time, but I figured that I was ready and to continue abusing myself for even one more day would have been wrong and dishonest.

And so, the Anniefesto journey began.  I thought it would be genius to have a more streamlined focus for my second blog, hence the 'talky blogs'.   They have been great fun to put together, even though I'm still learning how to use all the bells and whistles on this new laptop.  Not to mention the fact that you guys seem to be embracing my new way of expressing myself with incredible generosity and love.  So all in all, Anniefesto is blessing me in ways I never imagined and I believe it will continue to do so.

All that being said, I just want you to know that while I am most comfortable cracking jokes and telling pointless stories, there are days when I just can't seem to conjure a smile.  I have ups and downs, just like you.  And if I am going to share my highs with you, I am also going to share my lows.  Please don't feel like you have to 'fix me' or check up on me when I post maudlin videos like to one below.  I mean, I'd love to hear from you, but I do not expect any of you to save me from myself or anything.  I just want to invite you to share in this, the most crazy, exciting, terrifying, insecure, proud season of my life so far.  Thanks for being a part of my story!

Anniefesto 5.0

I'm not very happy with this particular video because I made it while I was rushed, so please forgive it's lameness. Also, please forgive my gross double chins as they seem to be the star of this particular show. I think I'm gonna have to find a new angle to record these v-blogs from. I wish I could fit my laptop into the medicine cabinet in that bathroom so I could get me some of that great lighting, but I tried it and it was a disaster. Oh well, enjoy the show (even though it sucks a little)!

25 Random Things

There is this chain-letter type thing being passed around on Facebook recently called '25 Random Things About Me'. Basically you are supposed to fill people in on quirky little facts that they may or may not already know about you. It's very self-gratifying and reading other people's posts is kind of like spying on their personalities. I mean, some people put heart-wrenching facts up there (like 'I was molested as a kid' or 'I've been contemplating suicide for years') and other people write things that are way more (in my opinion) boring and dull (for example 'I love Cheerios' and 'I am a terrible speller'). I'm not sure what promoted me to do one of these myself because I had sworn it was something I would never do, but sure enough one night I found myself trying to come up 25 Random Things. And it was pretty freaking easy, but then again, I'm rather verbose. So here's an idea I had for this blog. Since I love to shamelessly talk about myself, I thought I'd start adding to that list of 25 things with more Fun Facts About Anne (or FFAA if you're into abbreviations). This is going hand in hand with my attempt to become more transparent and honest, but if it freaks you out, feel free to skip over these posts. I won't be offended, I swear. So to get things started, I'll re-post the original '25 Random Things' and in between videos you'll get to know me more than you ever wanted to. Congratulations, friend!

25 Random Things About Anne

1. While I am typing this, I am experiencing terrible acid reflux (from my turkey chili) and keep having to get up and burp in order to expel excess air.

2. In my head, I sometimes refer to myself as 'Annie the Nanny'.

3. I gave up Diet Dr. Pepper because I was so addicted to that sweet delicious that I believe if it had been crack, then my title would be 'Annie the Crack Whore' instead of 'Annie the Nanny'.

4. I am planning to get up to workout at 5:30am, but I have only been successful in doing that once in my entire life...except for swimming. Swimming I'll get up for.

5. I have always thought that if it weren't for my struggles with weight, I would be famous. Maybe not Julia Roberts famous, but at least Chelsea Handler famous.

6. I have a love/hate relationship with Oprah and have written her at least 12 times to try to be on the show. Each time was for a different 'topic'. I've also applied for 2 jobs at Harpo Studios, but I never heard anything back. Coincidence or restraining order?

7. I truly believe that one day I will win the lottery...big time. But it might be the 'who died first' lottery, or the 'most embarrassing public moment' lottery. We shall see.

8. I have never been kissed...or anything else for that matter.

9. Despite #8, I have a remarkably filthy mind/mouth.

10. I am almost as bad with money as I am with food. It makes me feel powerless and possessed.

11. If you took away my iPhone, I would cry.

12. If you took away my MacBook, I would physically and verbally destroy you.

13. I would trade anything in my life (including my iPhone and MacBook) to be able to live and work in London.

14. If/When I win the lottery, I am going to take you there for a holiday (as the Brits say).

15. Sometimes, I have a lot of contempt for my married friends. I often feel abandoned by 'married only' events and conversations, but I don't want their pity so I act like it's okay when it's really not. One day, I will confront this issue, but not right now.

16. Until recently, I lied to everyone so often and so well that I believed the lie could become true if I just said it enough times. I am extremely saddened and ashamed by this.

17. I have been in counseling for almost two years and it has been the most honest and brave thing I have ever done in my life.

18. I am quasi-obsessed with symmetry. I want things balanced and in order because I find it aesthetically pleasing.

19. I was changed forever by a view from a double decker bus in London. I saw hundreds of people strolling about in all black and literally said "I want to look like them." I think people look smart, important and attractive when they wear black.

20. Oddly enough, my favorite color is green.

21. I am enjoying my independence very much these days, but I worry that it will never end.

22. I believe God designed me to be a mother and I think I'm gonna be really pissed if I hit menopause and I'm still alone. Pissed like, me and Jesus are gonna have words. I'm aware He will win, but He's gonna have some 'splaining to do.

23. I am going to write a book one day. It will probably make you laugh AND cry, just be warned. Also, there will probably salty language so if that offends you, stay away.

24. The first and last thing I do every single day is read. It doesn't matter what it is, I just have to read before I can fall asleep and before I can get out of bed.

25. When I was younger, I used to 'play' The Tonight Show in my room by myself. I would either pretend I was Jay Leno and interview celebrities or pretend I was famous and being interview by Jay Leno. So I spent a lot of time talking to the mirror in my room as if it were a camera. One day in college, some friends were talking about their favorite childhood games (Flashlight Tag, Capture the Flag, Light as a Feather/Stiff as a Board, etc. I chimed in "I always love playing The Tonight Show game!") Crickets...crickets...crickets. Yeah, apparently no one else played that game. Just me. I was good at it though. I usually ended up getting asked out on television by Leonardo DiCaprio or George Clooney before the game was over. Overactive imagination much?!

Anniefesto 4.1

I have been wanting to post more often, so late last night I recorded this little gem for you all from my current bedroom. Just in case you're wondering, I had my feet inside a pillow case to keep them warm and that is the odd floppy thing you see in the background. I was going to try to convince you that I'm secretly a mermaid, but it just didn't seem plausible seeing as there is no real water source in my bedroom. Still, you'll probably be thinking, "What is this, Splash?"

Anniefesto 4.0

Yeah, if I knew how to use my computer then I would've been able to add video like this 4 weeks ago.  So despite the fact that I FINALLY got my new camcorder (her name is Cami) I now know how to record directly from my laptop.  Gotta love Apple computers!

But it will provide hours of fun extra stuff for the DVD that I will surely make one day!

Anniefesto 3.0

Sorry for the weird audio.  I should have the new camcorder by next week so prepare yourself for some HD Anniefesto.  

Anniefesto 1.0

Here's the original Anniefesto in all it's glory! If you want to read all the original text, you'll have to hop over to anniethenannyblog.blogspot.com. It's a pretty great sight if I do say so myself...

Anniefesto 2.0

Normally, I enjoy dogsitting.   It's a chance to stay at someone else's house and usually I get to take a bath, which I love but can't do at home due to a craptastic bathtub.  But when I woke up this morning I was not prepared for there to be no water due to a frozen pipe explosion in the middle of the night.  I'm still not sure when it happened b/c I got up at 6 to let the dogs out and I filled their water bowl then but when I looked out the window at 9:45, there was a river of frozen slush running down the Schawacker's street and it began in their very own garage.  And since Amy & Keith are in freaking Germany, I was left to figure out what to do on my own.  Thank God for Keith's mom Mary.  Together we managed to piece together a plan to get things fixed, but by the time she left it was 11:30 which is one hour later than my WW meeting began.

There is another meeting on Monday and I plan on weighing in then, but I was pretty bummed to not see how well I did this week.   But on the bright side, Monday gives me two more days of healthy eating so the number on the scale could be even better than I thought!

Here's this week's Anniefesto!  I hope you enjoy it!